dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
