life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
