whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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