You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My ass is underappreciated
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
