Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
