he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
