WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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