I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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