Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We left the knife in your bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
