rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
