You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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