that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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