He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
