At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Someone signed my nipple.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
