The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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