she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
