Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
