I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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