im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
