He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
