why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sarcasm needs its own font
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
