My hand turned me down
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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