I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
