did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
