i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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