The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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