do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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