There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
