I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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