just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
