John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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