I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
