didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
