Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
