you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
