is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
