We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
