I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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