Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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