Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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