best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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