and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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