There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
