I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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