I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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