I faked an abortion last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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