dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My friends, they love my intelligence
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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