I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
