I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
