I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
