We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
