She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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